Such The Jewel This Part Of My Life Called Living
Though I have been in this place called earth for quite some time, I’ve come to not only the realization but the understanding that I was only surviving. Starting out as a child being taken care of but what was to be said for my parents at that time. Though my mother, a Hunter College graduate, my grandmother an employee for the Essex House across from Central Park and my father one of the biggest and might I add finest drug dealers in Harlem. With all their individual accolades, were they too just surviving and if so did they know it. For though I have lived a life that many only dream of, I too were only surviving and the rewards of it are what I suppose was only brief pausing of happiness in the midst of it.
So, when do you actually realize that you are in fact not living but surviving? Surviving to pay the rent, surviving to make ends meet, surviving and hoping for a better tomorrow and how you will survive in that tomorrow. That is most certainly not living life and especially not to the fullest but why is that? What is it that some of us miss while others honestly walk in a meaningful, purposeful and fulfilling life called Living. Is it learned only in certain schools and households or are we born with it? and if so, what happened?
All these questions and answers have politely introduced themselves to me over the last week. Over this shift in my life, the part I know now as Living. It so politely introduced itself to me in such the grandest gesture of regalness and class. Kissing my hand to the awareness of its presence. As I instantly was present. This feeling was more than just some adventure. It was greenery for days on end. Everlasting sunsets and moon rising. Butterflies adorned with an array of colors as I think back to when I was graced with the greeting of one in the most unlikely place. A hood chicken store in Brooklyn, I stood awaiting two sweet potato pies one for my spiritual mother and the other for myself. To delight in before the second service of the church and there I was by the glass door just looking out door until, I noticed its beautiful wings flapping in the corner. Huge it was and I'm not sure why but with much confidence I held my hand out and Just like that, it flew towards me as if awaiting this introduction. As if it knew its kind and so landing on my hand so effortlessly. Quickly I thought to myself wow when I noticed I had left my phone in the car but quickly my attention was brought back to this beautiful creature. One that at some point was a caterpillar and had become a butterfly only after going through a process of change that would in fact change the course of its life. Yet, there we were in the most unlikely place in a moment of chance and change together as I just watched it wings flap while resting still on my hand.
It wasn't until a guy walking by who yelled out "Wow, so you just catching butterflies and stuff, amazing" as I turned towards the door so that he too could for whatever reason take part in this moment that I could almost describe as magical. I then had to sho the butterfly away for it was more than comfortable in its position. From that day on I have seen the most beautifies I've ever seen in my life. Was God trying to tell me something? Did I receive its message? I most certainly did.
You see the caterpillar crawled through life and in a way one could say it was merely surviving. Everyday hoping not to be eaten by a bird for breakfast, lunch or dinner. What about the possibility of being stomped on by a human for no other reason but just to do it. That is until the process begins. But the butterfly, well in all it's beauty its not known act to just carelessly kill butterflies and just because of that very reason they don’t have to worry about becoming prey for a meal but for its beauty and the beautiful places in its environment. Let's not forget the freedom it has to go anywhere it chooses and isn't that what’s living all about. The freedom of it, the limitless opportunities and the beauty of life itself.
It was amazing how the very eyes that saw life as surviving, hustling, grinding, stressing, struggling, angry, mad, depressed, locked in and locked out, its no way living a godly lifestyle is even an option, how can doing God's word make me successful, lack, poverty, pain, loss, failure, discouragement, dating, only happy when I had money, not able to be the best mother as one fully providing for her own household, crime as a go-to for success, popping bottles as a sign of success along with having all the designer brands to prove that I had money and was a success, and just never enough but now, now my eyes was seeing purpose, prosperity, abundance, love, peace, joy, wealth, generational wealth, legacy, more than enough, superabundant, faithful, flourishing, overflowing, courting, marriage, financial freedom, access granted, congratulations you have been approved, and real success. I saw gates being opened, started being invited to places where millionaires were at, bank vault doors opened, keys constantly being presented to me, holding assets of real wealth, investments to pass down that were purchased with honest earned money, successful ones wanting to hug me instead of just the standard handshake, multiple streams of income gradually flourishing, God's word was true and the promises of an inheritance begin to manifest. I had now entered into the part of my life called LIVING. Indeed I Am Blessed!
Signed SJ The New Literary It Girl